It's Different When Women Do It

I was recently arguing with a white male, and he said that if I really wanted equality (here we go with the mainsplaining, am I right?) I wouldn't just condemn bad behaviors that are typically male, I would also condemn bad behaviors that are typically female, such as paternity fraud and false rape accusations. Furthermore, he said, I should have no problem calling it "fem-ternity fraud" or "fem-alse rape accusations" like how I say "man-spreading" or "man-terrupting".

Needless to say, I was mortified. Not only is this absolutely missing the point, but this white male had the audacity to tell me what "equality" is. So, let me explain why it's different when women do bad things.


Paternity Fraud - The Patriarchy is constantly trying to control women's reproduction, so if women puppeteer a man's reproductive power, that's actually fair. Women will stop doing it to men as soon as the Patriarchy stops doing it to us. THAT is equality.


False Rape Accusations - A false rape accusation is a perfectly reasonable thing to do in our Patriarchal society. After all, as Susan Brownmiller observed, "Rape is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear".

Given this, it's clear that false rape accusations give women a way to push back against the rape-cultured Patriarchy, and to make at least some men know what it's like to live in fear of the other gender. Maybe this will actually make them think about the issues, as Catherine Comins also thought.

"They [victims of false accusations] have a lot of pain, but it is not a pain that I would necessarily have spared them. I think it ideally initiates a process of self-exploration. 'How do I see women?' 'If I didn't violate her, could I have?' 'Do I have the potential to do to her what they say I did?'"


But it goes beyond paternity fraud and false rape accusations. There are many more instances where it's okay if a woman harms a man, but when a man harms a woman it's part of a bigger picture of oppression and it's a million times worse for that reason.


Violence - Just like with rape, men use violence to keep all women in line. Dating, marriage, and male sexuality are all ways in which men lure and trap women with them so they can abuse them and keep them subjugated. So if a woman acts violently toward a man, it's perfectly reasonable. You wouldn't fault a Jew for punching a Nazi, would you? As Andrea Dworkin wrote,"Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice."


Robbery - As we know, women still only earn 77 cents to every dollar a man earns, and it's all caused by discrimination by men against women. So, if a woman robs a man, that's actually fair: he's part of the Patriarchy that robs women throughout their entire lives, so really, what's one car in comparison to $700,000 stolen by men from women? If anything, it's not enough.


Insults - When a man insults a woman, it's essentially a form of hate crime by men against women, while the reverse is simply not true. This article covers this and similar topics nicely.


In conclusion: women can do the same bad things as men, but in every situation, it's worse when a man does it because when a man does it, it's part of the Patriarchy, but when a woman does it, it's just an isolated incident. If anything, she's probably correcting some injustice if she does something bad to a man. That, mr. white cis male, is equality.